Resource: An in-depth breakdown of my 5-day wilderness vigil and what was truly meaningful
What I took with me, how I prepared, how it all went sideways, and the integration. Plus, ask me anything!
This is an offering of gratitude for my contributing readers. Thank you 🙏🏻
”When we approach with reverence, great things decide to approach us.”
– John O’Donohue
What is your deepest longing?
This is what my mentor, Rebecca Wildbear, asked in our preparation session. Rebecca has guided hundreds of people on soulful wilderness journeys and is a guide for Animas Valley Institute, which is how I came to know her.
Animas Valley is led by Bill Plotkin, author of Soulcraft*, a book I stumbled upon and listened to twice back-to-back on a very long solo road trip in early 2021. I was hungry for a community inclusive of nature as I’ve always felt like it was a two-way conversation, but no one else in my life seemed to view it that way.
In my upbringing, nature was revered and objectified.
We played in the desert or on the lake and took petrified wood and tadpoles home for our own pleasure. Never did anyone speak with the trees, praise the fish we ate, or ask permission.
I invited Rebecca to speak in SLC in 2024 and found in her a wise, kindred spirit, which planted the seed of an intentional solo quest.
The term “vision quest” feels wrong to me on a few levels, but it’s the most common term used to convey the broad intention. It could also be called a spiritual quest, a wilderness vigil, or a walkabout.
In early 2025, a knowing settled in that it was time and that Death Hollow in the Grand Staircase-Escalante area was the site. I was turning 40 and in the midst of a lot of immediate and bigger picture transitions. I felt unmoored, ready for direction.
I began with clear intentions, blocked out time in my calendar a few months ahead, compiled ideas from others’ experiences, and asked Rebecca to be my guide-from-afar.
Below, I will break out those intentions, my preparation, the supplies, the experience itself, and the integration work. I hope it will serve as a helpful inspiration for your own wanderings in the wild, or your own vigil one day, should it call to you.
My Intentions:
Let nature strip away what is false
Emerge from lingering darkness
Cultivate my East facet of self (release striving, find home in the present moment, and gracefully hold space for mystery and uncertainty)
The Preparation
